A smattering of short stories

Mosquitoes
Hbf and I hunkered down in our bus seats, ready to endure a 8+ hour ride through the flatlands of Cambodia on roads that aren't really paved yet.. We got our books out to entertain ourselves for the morning. About an hour goes by when I started noticing mosquitoes buzzing around us. I haaaaate mosquitoes and have personally waged war against them, so I pointed out their existence to Hbf. He followed it with his hand, ready to beat it down, but it promptly disappeared and he shrugged and went back to reading. I'm semi-unhinged by now because I know the mosquito wanted my blood and no one elses, and I can't rest until it's dead. I kept my eyes peeled for any movement and I was soon rewarded with a glimpse of one in the curtains. It made the mistake of coming within striking distance and I clapped my hands around it. One down.. But it soon became apparent that he had friends. Hbf and I went on the offensive, him smashing them against the window, and me smushing them between my hands. We had at least 10 bodies between us when we were finished and we celebrated heartily. It wasn't until we got off the bus that we noticed all the bites on our feet. I guess they got one last buffet before they died.

Food?
We were told by our welcome host, self proclaimed Mr. Lonely, that Cambodians eat everything. I can bear witness that Mr. Lonely is no liar. Hbf and I were on our 3 day, 2 night trek with our guide, Mac and a forest ranger. Lunch on the first day consisted of rice, vegetables and beef. Ok so far.. But Mac went fishing and found himself a small crab. He seemed very excited, but I wasn't sure why. How much meat can you get out of a crab the size of a walnut, anyways? He threw it in the fire for about 30 seconds and then proceeded to pop it in his mouth. The Whole Thing. He crunched on the shell and laughed at the expression on my face, which I'm sure was pure horror. He even said it was very tasty. I doubt that.. That night, Hbf and Mac went fishing in the dark. They came back with a little frog, another crab and some craw daddies. I think Hbf had wanted a snake but they came back empty handed, thank goodness. Mac threw their spoils into the fire for a bit, then just started eating all of them in one bite. Well, except for the frog.. Mac and the ranger ripped it apart to share it. I was screaming the whole time and they just laughed and laughed.. And crunched on their 'food'.

The Drunken Village
Day 2 of our trek, and we found ourselves in a minority village. Apparently it was happy hour because everyone was drinking their homemade rice wine in groups of 10 or so. It actually looked like happy hour had started 2 hours ago, by the way they slurred and stumbled. Who's watching the kids? Darkness came, and Hbf and I settled into our bamboo bed to watch an episode on Lost on the iPod (I know, we're really roughing it). Suddenly, in stumbles a man and starts banging a rock against a metal bowl reeeeeally loudly. We were trying to get him to stop, but of course he doesn't speak english, and I don't speak drunken Khmer, so he kept right on for about a minute or so and then stumbled out again. Weird. 20 minutes later, he was back again with a buddy and wanted to bang the gong again. We endured it without saying anything this time and we just hoped that he leaves after he's done playing. But he doesn't. And more people joined him. Hbf and I looked anxiously at each other because we had no idea what was going on. The village people pretty much ignored us and our guide is nowhere to be found. Slowly, people started trickling in and I was feeling a little nervous. All sorts of scenarios ran through my head, especially a vivid one where we were brought forth as some sort of cannibalistic sacrifice. Turns out they were just having a town meeting. Haha.

Disappointed
Our last day on the trek and I was so close to a shower I could taste it. After a particularly difficult climb, Mac decided to give us a rest. Hbf and I took seats on our back packs and watched as Mac tried to tear down a vine from a tree. As he was tugging, he tried to explain the reason he wanted it, which never really became clear to me. It involved women, fertility, and birth, but that was all I understood. All of a sudden, Mac started hacking at the tree that the vine was attached to. Hbf tells him to stop, and I tell Mac that maybe he shouldn't be cutting down trees. He just smiled and kept chopping. Hbf and I both got up and insisted that he stop cutting the tree down, but it was too late. A moment later it tumbled to the ground and Mac got his vine. I was pretty upset, seeing as cutting down trees has always been a big no-no in any forest. Hbf told Mac that he really shouldn't cut down trees in front of tourists because it will probably offend them. We left the tree, and Mac's tip dropped considerably. Hopefully he learned his lesson.

Holes
We arrived in Phnom Penh and decided to head to the lakeside area to stay. We had read that it was where the backpackers were, so we figured we could find a semi-cheap room to stay while we waited for our Vietnam visas. We had to go to 3 places just to find a room with hot water and A/C. When we finally found the room, it was pretty much the crappiest room we had seen, but it met all of our criteria, so we decided to spend one night there. The hotel itself was a mess of hodge-podge construction, with gaps everywhere and walls made of the thinnest ply-wood. El Dub would definitely say it would never pass a building inspection. As we were getting into bed, Hbf noticed that he could see a hole in our floor and we laughed about it. I got into bed and Hbf plopped down right beside me. As he sat, the bed fell through the floor on one corner, the corner where the hole was that Hbf had found. We heard people exclaiming in surprise below us and we hurredly got the bed out of the hole. Since there was a hole already there, we figured we wouldn't be charged for any damages. The next morning, we told the manager about the hole in the floor and his reply was, "yeah, yeah, hole." Ok then, if it's cool with you it's cool with me.