A letter to my bug repellent

Dear REPEL bug repellent,

I thought you were my best friend. I thought you always had my back in times of crisis. I took you on this trip because you were the strongest bug repellent I could find and I had no doubts that you would do the one specific job you were made for. We've had some good times.. Rice patties, stone forests, bike rides and even beaches. I never forgot to put you on before I left the house and I would even reapply when I got home, in case some blood sucking mosquito followed me into the room in hopes of a delicious feast while I was sleeping. Our room constantly smelled of bug spray but none of it matters since you were doing such a good job. Hbf would cough and spit and complain how his eyes and lungs burned, but I would just point to my unblemished skin and say it was worth it. Yesterday, everything changed.

We decided to take a walk to the other side of the island and it just so happened we had to hike through what I'm pretty sure is called Mosquito City. I was confident, though. You contain 100% DEET, which I didn't even think was possible. If a mosquito wanted to come near my skin, he would surely melt on contact. When we got to Mosquito City, I was shocked to see the size of these skeeters! They were the size of large flies and had obviously eaten well. There were so many, too! We tried to keep the pace brisk, but I started feeling them getting to my skin. I looked down and there was actually one on my leg! I slapped it in anger but my anger was not at the mosquito. No.. It was at you, REPEL. 100% DEET you say? I say balderdash.

Those mosquitoes were the ultimate test, and you failed. When I saw the first mosquito get through, I panicked. But, I quickly remembered that I had brought you with me and sweet redemption could be yours! I hurredly started to reapply but you were having no effect! No effect! Finally I just started running through the forest to make it to safety, the beach. When I got there, the bites were already starting to swell and itch. The final count was 10 mosquito bites, some so big they have swelled up my whole ankle. I must say I am severely disappointed in your performance. Even as I type this I want to claw my skin off of my legs to stop the itching.

The only thing that saved me yesterday was the amazing sunset I watched while swimming in the warm ocean with my boyfriend. If not for that.. I surely would have curled into a little ball and wept.

Sincerely Dissatisfied,

Booty